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How A Child Learns If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, she learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with shame, she learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement, she learns confidence. If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate. If a child lives with fairness, she learns justice. If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith. If a child lives with approval, she learns to like herself. If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world. (Dorothy Law Nolte) hmm...food for thought...
*sMILe* heard this at the church wedding on saturday :) loved the tune and the lyrics...something that jie goes crazy over equally : When Love is Found When love is found and hope comes home, Sing and be glad that two are one. When love explodes and fills the sky, Praise God and share our Maker's joy. When love has flowered in trust and care, Build both each day, that love may dare To reach beyond home's warmth and light, To serve and strive for truth and light. When love is tried as loved ones change, Hold still to hope though all seems strange, Till ease returns, and love grows wise Through listening ears and opened eyes. When love is torn and trust betrayed, Pray strength to love till torments fade, Till lovers keep no score of wrong, But hear through pain love's Easter song. Praise God for love, praise God for life, In age or youth, in husband, wife. Lift up your hearts, let love be fed Through death and life in broken bread. Love this song...speaks of untold endless love piloted by God :) A love that is truly patient, kind...keeps no record of any wrong..always hopes for, perseveres, loves in spite of anger and fear...*sMILe* true love. All sustaining and ever going love. Well! haha but! the tune of this song also corresponds to Sissel's Summer Snow..and! Another hymn to which the lyrics are as brilliant as the above: The Gift of Love Though i may speak with bravest fire, And have the gift to all inspire, And have not love, my words are vain, As sounding brass, and hopeless gain. Though i may give all i possess, And striving so my love profess, But not be given by love within, The profit soon turns strangely thin. Come, Spirit, come, our hearts control, Our spirits long to be made whole. Let inward love guide every deed; By this we worship, and are freed.
I think..I must be going a bit cuckoo. Or perhaps it's the easy way things affect me..and the way i can't forget things. Or the way...the way I simply am. It's bad, really. And however much i know these things are lame (even an excuse)..I do perceive myself to be suffering from the common three lettered female syndrome-pms. Symptoms? The highly irritable F gender who incessantly feels like pulling her hair out (if not those of the peeps around her *gRINz*)...and then upon realising she feels as such..lets out a wretched cry of exaperation, "What on earth is wrong with you?" Perhaps...just feeling...wretched? Heh. So she wallows and stomps around her carefully demarcated territory with a whole chockful of undefined frustrations from everywhere...feeling even more frustrated from being frustrated (trust me, it's one heck of a vicious cycle) and then finally losing(or trying) to lose herself in dvds or tv.. or just stepping on endless upon endless toes and jumping on the nerves of peeps all around her...mindlessness and thoughtlessness.. Desensitization? Worry? It's at times at these when all I want to do is to do all these: 1) Go to changi, get an air ticket, and fly to any place, any place at all. Alaska/Australia/Argentina Belgium/Brazil Canada/Cyrpus/ China/Chile Denmark Engypt/England Fiji/Finland/France Germany/Greece/Great Britain Hungary/Hongkong Iceland/Ireland/Italy Japan Korea Luxembourg Maldives/Mauritius(free scuba diving courses!)/Morocco/Mexico Nepal/Netherlands/Norway/New Zealand Peru/Portugal/Poland/Palau Qatar(only to fill in the space) Russia/Romania(vampires) Scotland/Spain/Sweden Taiwain/Turkey/Thailand Ukraine (oohlala the Kyiv soloists) Venezuela (:) many chiochiochio...) ...let's forget the last three... 2)Korean/Hongkong/Taiwan/Jap Dramas/Anime/Cartoon marathon 3) Go to some playground and swing my way up 4)AMusement park with carousels and endless funfairs 5)Drown myself in toyrsus 6)Drown myself in the library (storybooks, not the other kind) 7)Drown myself in sleep 8)Drown myself in icecream..ben and jerry's, venezia, dairy bell, magnolia.... 9)walk til the cows come home 10)Drown myself in chocs, famous amos cookies, droste chocs, meiji chocs, royce chocs.. 11)Pick myself and run/swim/cycle 12) Fly 13)Bubble blow 14)Bubble bath ..... *looks up in horror* greedy, i am. And certainly beyond all forms of speech...after all..there's loads more i wanna do to run.. Or maybe... all i need is this. A hug. And drowning myself in Him..in the One who brought this season to be and is all the reason for everything to hope for and to rejoice in. And absolutely, just to stop being spoilt :)
Heh...this song touched me to no end... When you tell me that you love me-Westlife and Diana Ross I wanna call the stars Down from the sky I wanna live a day That never dies I wanna change the world Only for you All the impossible I wanna do I wanna hold you close Under the rain I wanna kiss your smile And feel the pain I know what's beautiful Looking at you In a world of lies You are the truth And baby Everytime you touch me I become a hero I'll make you safe No matter where you are And bring you Everything you ask for Nothing is above me I'm shining like a candle in the dark When you tell me that you love me I wanna make you see Just what I was Show you the loneliness And what it does You walked into my life To stop my tears Everything's easy nowI have you here And baby Everytime you touch me I become a hero I'll make you safe No matter where you are And bring you Everything you ask for Nothing is above me I'm shining like a candle in the dark When you tell me that you love me In a world without you I would always hunger All I need is your love to make me stronger Everytime you touch me I become a hero I'll make you safe No matter where you are And bring you Everything you ask for Nothing is above me I'm shining like a candle in the dark When you tell me that you love me When you tell me that you love me You love me When you tell me that you love me
Today was a...how shall i place it? A time of awakening... Went for playhouse at KE7 Hall..*sMILe* twiddled with the grand piano(ah...) ...went back to the med soc room (finally cleared the mess up with jen ming and peeps)..and then after a very difficult time of debating (about to fall asleep on my feet i was...heh and the day before almost fell off the flight of stairs in my sleepiness, scraped an arm to stop meself..plus bumping my knee everywhere...), decided to attend pnp in church...spent a fortune on 2 new cds- Hillsong's He Reigns & greatest praise songs of the church (hehe that's cause they had Here I am, Lord) And I'm glad I went for PNP... As i sat down after YM's philotheos led everyone in worship, Adriel took the stage..and i guess, what he shared, was a moment of refreshing...a time of refreshing and reassurance from the Lord..(and i suppose for many other peeps as well, for many were those who tried to dab at their eyes with dignity when Madeleine's story was shared) And astonishingly, an answer to the single question I've been turning to and fro in my mind the past 3 months.. Thank You, my Father.. I guess I have a fear (alright, many fears) . And these fears cloud over the one desperate fear I have- that is, to stop looking at God and start turning inward: plain hardness and selfishness. This thought scares me ever so much...that I start being some thick skinned, hankering person after personal glory who fails to include or see God. "and they will see the light...but they will choose the darkness.." Never do I ever want to fall in that abyss... But sometimes I guess it's so easy to be absorbed in the mire of self and to to simply look at my own needs...and so hard to make You my centre.. I don't want I don't want I don't want I don't want... So hence, today, I made up my mind to return to You Father...after listening to Madeleine's story, after listening to what You had to say to me.. "Silly girl, need you take everything into your own hands? That's why you fail, that's why you tire..and that's why you are discouraged and upset and drained. And that's why you run..you run away from My promise, My love and all I have to give you, even if the plans I have for you are good plans. Do you love me? If you do, then all you have to do is lean on Me and let me be your guide. Without Me, you can do nothing..Do you see the tree by the road? It gets pruned every season but still it flourishes, branches lush and flowering...what more will I do for you? I will sustain you and guard you and your paths, as long as you remain in me..and I will be faithful. " I suppose..I have been running away.. cause You revealed Your heart to me so many a time, and instead of treating it like a privilege and treasure..it overwhelmed me Father. The love You had, the sorrow and the yearning You had for Your people..the yearning to fill Your people who were empty, and the calling You had for Your children to reach out..Father, it overwhelmed and choked me from within Father..there was so much You were calling out to Your people...and Your Spirit within me responded to every single heartbeat of Yours. The burden..the passion..the heart..broke me up from within. And instead of replying and affirming in faith..I treated Your cry from the depths of Your heart with contempt and refused to take on this heavy and burdensome load..I doubted what You could do in me, when You have indeed done more than miracles in this lowly soul..loving me with a unique love...I doubted the gifts and Your working in me..I feared the trial.. And me, like Jonah, ran. Father, how I must have broken Your heart. How, so many a time have You chosen to reveal Your passion to me and the coward I am, one of little faith hath rejected it.. Father how You must despair in the way I turned..How You despair and yet still hope I'll remember Your call.. I feel so unworthy Father. So unworthy of being in You, of sharing that heartbeat of Yours. Of seeing the world as You see it..of loving and of being loved..of being where You have placed me. Yet the only way I can..(*apart from being a sore loser heh) is to turn back to You, and to respond the way You want me to..cause..too long a time from Your presence makes me feel lost, grappling, and everything falling wrongly, said wrongly and being just screwed up. Heh i feel like a complete ding dong. Never felt more upset on the bus than today. Never felt the urge to want to cry on the way out of church today. And coupled with the urge to kneel down and pray before You...the urge to just jump and declare how much I wanna run to You, just to be where You are Lord, now and forever... ..." Here I am..here I am..until my calling is fulfilled... Here I am.." Use me as You will Father... and I will wait on You! Share Your heart with me Father, and I will be Your servant.
*sMILe* today's service..plus yesterday's talk with jie was a timely reminder.. A time of re-realisation (if such a word exists heh) for everything that was, is and will be :) Haha somehow whenever i hold coversations with jie..we never fail to melt into a topic that talks of our future.. She and i were marvelling at the exquisite skills of artists (according to the pics of paintings at the louvre in Paris which she took on her last trip muahaha)..and then lodged into a full length topic on how a painting shop should be set up..(to her, branches, actually, with that business acumen of hers in full drive) ... And then into jazz piano playing.. And then about signing me up for some guitar course seeing me struggle over the strumming (to chris's indignation- "just self learn!" *gRINz* agreed..sponsor my flute lessons? hahahahha) And then i somehow started sharing about vcf and campus crusade dg..and how my old humble abode at HJ was less than "clean"..the hotel rooms we went to (the 3 of us hearing incessant nintendo games being played as though it was done next to us the entire night..).. And then we talked about angels. And about the Holy Spirit. And of God. (with the end times of course) D: Somehow i feel assured..as in, protected..as in, we are..but..angels? Don't they have to be fighting beside us all the time? How about little children? B: Yup they do..and why not? Wars are happening even as we speak..it's like Daniel D:it's scary when we think of it(especially war) in the spiritual realm B: and how life is more than 3 dimensional? but it's exciting ne! *bEAMs* as in..the idea of something more than what we can see..and normal peeps like us running on a power that isn't of this world.. D: yup, and the idea of angels..makes me feel very assured and protected.. I understand what she feels...the idea of having a personal guardian to fight for and to protect us..somehow sets me at ease, not to mention that we already have the Holy Spirit within us..and also sets my heart aflame at the thought of how much He cherishes us...for it is when we love, that we seek to protect our loved ones.. D: makes me wonder why i'm struggling so hard to become rich (starts thinking of the dreams of art shops..thoughts bearing hard on the sudden silence) B: you know..*smiles wryly*..that was my point to you. So i went to bed, reminding myself to check up whether all these were sound..and went for 9:30 pnp today..but still feeling enraptured by the evenign's discussion(somehow these sibling bonding sessions tend to drain us of loads of energy ne! :)) Went in from the back..and whoosh! Was greeted by the sight of someone i hold high regard for (simply being adept in sign language..goodness..his hands really speak more expressively than words could..and being active in mhi even as he is in medicine)..had a worship session that ended in this short but profound memory verse: "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your Presence? " Psalm 139:7 i must declare..i sat there bound by its impact... and then with Rev lilian ang's sermon..and a song we sang..my dad's words came back to haunt me..driving out that numbness i was beginning to feel after the drone of school life..or rather, the routine of it... "Blanche, you can run now..but you cannot run forever..cause God will bring you back on the path if He has called you." This sentence almost jolted tears out of my eyes as i sat, inner self defeated but putting on a brave front anyhows next to pa.. Cause that was what i was doing. And you must understand that this was a very rare time..cause this may as well be his rare few moments of wise words said in gentleness and almost with the power of father and Father that impact me real hard. (hee yesh pa?) And now it came back. "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your Presence? " Psalm 139:7 And as i sat in wesley hall, even during the discourse on Jonah, i understood. No matter how lost i may feel now..how numb i may be..or how stubborn i am.. You have never let me go, and You will never let me go Cause You love me too much to do that. Even a wilful daughter who has seemed to cause You much reason for wrath. And then, feeling so unworthy as i was then...i rememebered Your grace and mercy (oh gosh, the eyes were starting to prick and nose feel runny)... And it covers me..the grace that flows from the Love that was nailed to a tree... Plus the happenings of these few years rushing back.. Jolted me back into the realisation of my purpose in what You have called me to be. I the Lord of sea and sky, I have heard my people cry All who dwell in dark and sin, My hand will save. I who made the stars of night I will make their darkness bright Who will bear my light to them, Whom shall I send? Here I am, Lord, Is it I Lord? I have heard You calling in the night I will go, Lord, If You lead me I will hold Your people in my heart. I, the Lord of snow and rain I have borne my people's pain I have wept for love of them They turn away I will break their hearts of stone Give them hearts of love alone I will speak My Word to them, Whom Shall I send? Here I am, Lord, Is it I Lord? I have heard You calling in the night I will go, Lord, If You lead me I will hold Your people in my heart. I, the Lord of wind and flame I will tend the poor and lame I will set a feast for them, My hand will save Finest bread I will provide Till their hearts be satisfied I will give My Life to them, Whom shall I send? Here I am, Lord, Is it I Lord? I have heard You calling in the night I will go, Lord, If You lead me I will hold Your people in my heart.
Oh man!! Sobness...did the colorgenics test at www.colorgenics.com.. What can i say? Did the test like 5 times..with different choices per time (or as i deemed fit...) *stunned* *wEEPS* am supa freaked out ne!!! )...every weakness in each result was like sth kept hidden poured out into the light with its truth.. Eeks. "You are constantly seeking stimulation and a life full of experience. You are trying to 'grow' and above all you need to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt. You are an enthusiastic individual, full of life with the desire to live intensely. You like contact with others and are enthusiastic by nature. You are receptive to anything new, modern or intriguing. Your interests are many and you are likely to expand your fields of activities. You are optimistic about the future and you deserve every success because deep down you are a 'winner'. You are very talented, imaginative and sensitive but you are holding back as you do not really like going it 'on your own'. In preference you would like to team up with someone, someone with similar attributes as your own, to explore - to seek out and go perhaps 'where no other man has gone before'. It is the unusual that attracts you and which will give you a sense of excitement and adventure. Everyone, sooner or later gets that feeling that one has been cut off from reality, cut off from everything that's going on around them. It usually happens when there is a complete lack of understanding and co-operation - be it from friends, family or loved ones. So what can one do about it? Instead of pondering as to what the future may hold, do something different. Make a cup of coffee. Have a shower. Read a book. Watch your favourite soap opera. Because as soon as you become involved in something different, the original disassociated feelings will dissipate. You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you. You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material." And i shall wisely censor some of the rest(which makes it like 99%) that are too painful to be revealed...Cause they are...shall i say, too revealing? :) Hee perhaps keeping up a strong facade may be the best :) Dang, i got that coffee one twice...(which i happen to be savouring now, with a nice storybook from west mall's library, coincidentally) And yesh..proceeding alone is the most dangerous course...but then, i never intended to do what i shall be doing alone, who said we would? :) Especially when You're gonna direct the course ne! Haha oh yesh..mayhaps the rebelling against authority was a bit too strong. Cause i don't rebel, especially if the authority is respected authority. or that which You've placed over me.
Did i tell you how much i love Christmas? *gRInz* hah yesh..you may think this girl's gone really cuckoo, what with everyone being only in the month of september and she's already dreaming of Christmas Candlelight services..carolling..and everything~!!! Haha..can't help it ne..was trying to figure out what songs to sing for mcf worship(which will be on monday!!!) ..when I saw this cd sarah bought for me as a bdae present in sec 2..because of this song i said i loved (and still do...)...hee and started listening to it We are the reason As little children, we would dream of Christmas morn And all the gifts and toys, we knew we'd find But we'd never realised a baby born one blessed night Gave us the greatest gift of our lives We were the reason that He gave His life We were the reason that He suffered and died To a world that was lost He gave all He could give To show us the reason to live As the years went by we learnt more about gifts The giving of ourselves and what that means On a dark and cloudy day a man hung crying in the rain Because of love, because of love We were the reason that He gave His life We were the reason that He suffered and died To a world that was lost He gave all He could give To show us the reason to live I've finally found the reason for living It's in giving every part of my heart to Him In all that i do, every word that i say I'll be giving my all just for Him For Him This reminded me of a sentence my friend said.."I find no difficulty in believing the presence of God, but I don't see any sense in worshipping Him." This song..basically sung out the reason...at least all that i felt. And reminded me of grace. His grace. Why should He, with all the power to smite us with His consuming fire, or just a simple command.. He who is Holy, He who created you and me, He who rules over everything and has gazillions of heavenly hosts bowing down in reverance at His feet With the wind carrying its song of worship, Branches swaying in praise of the One who is.. Even care for peeps lost to sin..lost to greed, lost to selfishness...lost to the darkness.. To the point of coming down in flesh... To reconcile us , the darkness.. Via all the suffering and pain and humiliation Via the torment of knowing who He was and yet chose not to be the braggers we are prone to..choosing to simply And be simply Love. I can think of so many times when i nearly snapped off the line.. When I felt that life seemed to promise nothing but pain..A life that brought only tears and huddling in a lonely corner.. But then You stepped in, and carried me on Your wings. You showed me Your promise, and provided me with a way out.. You became my pillar when all was lost, And You lifted me onto Your shoulders On Giant's shoulders. You warmly embraced me even when I rebelled And forgave so unworthy a child when I was wilful You gently chided me for what was wrong And waited patiently for me to run back to You.. Perhaps the reason may then be summarised simply in this line.. "Love so divine, so holy... Demands my soul, my life my all." :)
Hahaha! was blog surfin...saw fish's blog...and then i just had to take it ne!! (yea!! ice cream is how wonderful a creation!!! hahaha! *bEAMs*) *gRINz* rarr it actually took a ben and jerry's personality test to make me start typing again. Yech. But ben and jerry's are....yum yum!
What does chunky mean ne? Haha..*gRINz* literally? eeks then they're wrong ne.. Oh yesh..and did i mention chocolates are nice..hahahah
Float is over!!! (well, sort of...) Makes me wonder about my original plans to make merry the past 2 weeks (where hath thou flown to?) But in a way..i don't think i regretted it..made me see matters in so many shades of light..and now, i've lost my voice.. (!!-_-) recalls a conversation with papa dearest on the phone yesterday... me: hi dad! dad: hello? who's this? may i speak with blanche? me: this is blanche dad: may i speak with blanche please (obviously thinks this is a joke) me: ...no dad, i lost my voice. and this is me. oh wells.. haha now it's time to fade back into the shadows of uni life..to lurk in the darkness and take backstage :) *gRINz* and yesh, i missed so many things..my sleep (self pampering)..and i had no idea how much i missed tickling the ivories until i sat down today to rattle out a tune..plus so much more.. And of course, i realised how much i missed the basking in Your presence. Not until i stepped into YWCA(dratted air con) today to simply meet up with peeps all present with a purpose. One purpose. To worship You :)
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