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To you Heya midarling! *gRINz* received your sms-es today...haha it's alright, just served as a very useful wake up call :) how's uk? :) can't wait to receive your letter during camp! haha..yesh! and don't you worry, you're in my prayers. All the time. *sMILEz* do try and go sight seeing or shopping yeah? Haha there should be so many things you can discover over there so do try to enjoy it to the fullest! Haha yesh, and that means trying to get to know your uncle better, although it might be quite tough, and i guess he must be feeling rather awkward himself :) which would explain his nervous appearance, trying to find opportunities to make it seem natural to strike up a conversation with you :) Yup, and do know midarling that even though that "hating" in itself when referring to someone He Himself loves and treasures as much as He does for you and me( "Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him."-1 John 3:15) , we are commanded that "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good."Romans 12:9. Furthermore He Himself has said, "The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." John 12:25 ....yesh!:) So yup! I do hate to say goodbye too:) *sMILez* and no, i don't think you are useless and a nuisance. So stop thinking about that of yourself! Haha take care and see u in camp! (Eyes are closing....)
*gRINz* hip hip hooray! haha the 'A's are over! actually i guess i've become quite numb to it...sort of an automatic mental response system- to push all experiences:horrific into a "cob-webbed" part of my mind and to retrieve it only when i do have to. but...yup! *bEAMs* Hee yesh!!! so happy burfdae to pingying, steph and junwan!!!! haha...pardon all "ding dong-ness" in the incorrect memory of dates...haiz... yupsh yupsh! here's to a fun-filled "half-year" ahead!! (!!-_-) primary school kids...here i come again...
Hee was reading through this photostated book of anecdotes and quotes...just to share one.. Love's Willing Sacrifice Tradition has passed on this story. Cyrus the Mede, the great conqueror of Babylon and the then-known world, had a general under his authprity whose wife was accused of treason. The woman was tried before a tribunal, found guilty, and sentenced to death. After the sentence was announced, the general went to Cyrus with this request: "King Cyrus, please let me take her place." Cyrus, in awe at what the general asked, said to his court, "Can we terminate a love as great as this?" Cyrus relaxed the sentence and paroled the woman to her husband. As the two left the court, the general said to his wife, "Did you see the benevolent look in Cyrus's eyes as he pardoned you?" The wife responded, "I only had eyes for the one who loved me enough that he was willing to die for me." "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."-John 15:13 So often do we lament how unloved we are, or how lonely we feel...or even wistfully think and envy about those who have experienced this love as described above, when He has in fact laid down His life for us. "Can we terminate a love as great as this?" when will we be like the wife, who replied, "I only had eyes for the one who loved me enough that he was willing to die for me."
The sunsets these few days have been breathtaking....makes one feel so small... Haha i do have a sudden urge to live on the top floor...or to take off to the esplanade/ road between city hall and raffles place mrt where the view's definitely better than peering between 2 blocks of flats in front of you... haha! do intend to go there on the night of rj prom this year tho...(if i do get bored "guarding" our meridian hotel room, that is...) Hee am suddenly reminded of the times yuanqi and i'll try to delay our "kong" outings on the 17th floor...we'd look at the 6:30 pm sky and think of "cloud-lookalikes" *gRINz* that harry potter one was the best by far! (note: no sunrises have been discussed because...heh...sleeping is bliss...)
Countdown: 4 days more!!!! *gRINz* haha am feeling so sian..have taken to "hijacking" the comp...and slowly packing up my "lair" haha..apart from indulging in jie's newly bought cds and borrowed instrumentals from Wesley's "library"...as well as flipping through the toys r us catalogue and getting excited over the toys with chris and jie haha! *beams* well...have also drawn up a list of "must do"s after the "a"s...after realising how many instruments we have lying around at home... 1)have been eyeing Chris's chord book (heh and "kidnapped" this other self teach cd" muahaha! )and asked him to teach me the guitar..which also menas tuning the long forgotten classic guitar...don't really fancy playing the electric ones in his room... 2)go and repair my pathetic violin...sobness...it cost around a thousand bucks...and my hands are itching to play the fiddle... 3)haha and yesh, try to improve my piano...or i might try out the keyboard, which means wading through the dust to get to the clavinova...(aha! and my trip to plaza sing to get the scores!!!) 4) harmonica? jan midarling! haha could u teach me? please????? 5)flute!!!!!!!!!! (oh, this is a must!!!! hahaha..well it'll have to wait after jie decides to buy it...meimei become my shifu!!!!haha or the clarinet...) 6) drums!!!! (provided chris doesn't buy the turntables instead....bleah...) all right!!! haha...and as for the languages bit... 1) korean!!! muahahaha! found an entire cache of language books in JE library..woohoo! 2)cantonese? (*sMILez* bought leo ku's concert cd...dun understand a single word he says!! well apart from his own name and a few words intelligble only because he spoke slowly...) 3)heh..actually just improve my chinese... 4)how about malay? then can go trekking freely!!! wahahaha!!! i miss mt datuk!!! wanna camp on the peak!!! 5)oh yesh...and sign language...must remember about the 3-4th december date with MHI... hee and loads more...was talking with adrienne and we both want to learn horse riding!!! (fueled by watching martial arts experts flying on and off their steeds freely) except....it costs 200 bucks a month...sobness...unless we go malaysia where junwan says is rather cheap...haiz... and am really tempted to join YM Missions...have somehow had this urge to go for it since sec 2...but...it means choking up 900 bucks which is really expensive... $$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!
Hee well, here's an official countdown to the end of 'a's :8 more days! *gRINz* realise i haven't been sharing much about it...basically, well, it's draining, freaky, and when u have a past horror, it doesn't do one good to relive it yeah? haha... but You've been faithful in this period, and I am thankful..still remember chem paper 2, where me, on the point of being sian, didn't really want to study for the entire evening..yet You were prepared..slotting in little urges for me to try the energetics, kinetics and states of matter questions a few days before, and yet not doing the same for Ksp which didn't come out..funnily giving me a little hint the night before through Steph when she asked me about nylon6-10... I am still amazed. I know peeps around me may wonder.."If she had started studying earlier the year before..." or about me trying to exert just a little bit more human effort that might have gotten me out of this mess i know i'm in, feeling sorry about this little predicament... Well, maybe I am, but I thank Him for this year. Come to think about it, for all my past "trials and tribulations", all it has ever done for me, was to teach me about how the joy after it all outshines the pain. Thank You for loving me despite my failures and my weaknesses. And I still don't know where I'll land up for the next few years. But I do know and believe one thing: You are God.
Hee this verse keeps running through my head... "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? "So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? " Matthew 6:25-30
Seeing God I saw God today. To be exact, i see glimpses of Him daily. I saw Him today whilst walking to buona vista after a trying physics paper, whilst the gentle breeze whispered of His love for me and the branches of the trees and leaf blades that lined the roads and fields swayed in loving tribute to our Creator... I saw Him today, as I walked home from West Mall at the traffic light, and as I glanced up to see leaves gently falling, of a promise of a new life in Him... I saw Him today. as mama drove me to school so as to prevent me from tiring out before the paper started.. I saw Him today, when I came home to the welcoming embrace of Chris in his own way... I saw Him today, when I entered the kitchen and saw my lunch, bought by my dad who later peeked into the room to ask if everything's all right... I saw Him today, as jie, despite a trying day at the hospital, fought to be in good humour as she spoke with me... And now, even as i type this, He appears to me still, with the glorious sunset embracing the end of a blessed day with promises of another, spent with Him...the sun of which, basking in its orange glow, hides behind clouds at His command to protect someone such as me, wisps of clouds with rays of sunlight seeping forth...as birds freely fly in flocks... Yea, Your glory is like the sun, O Father, So beautiful, warm and bright in its glory That even the clouds despise its inability To shroud Your infinite beauty... Such must have been how You appeared to Elijah, No, even more glorious than a thousand sunsets, More beautiful than the most heart stopping tapestries ever created in this universe.. How often do we yearn for Him to proclaim His presence in the most obvious of ways, looking yet not seeing And how desensitized we are to the Creator Who reveals Himself constantly everywhere we go? Yes, even His miracle lives in us, and His providence, where I am.. "Teach me to worship You, Teach me to adore You. I want to worship You, With my whole being. To learn to praise Your Name, Each day to do the same. Teach me to worship You O Lord, our God."
"In the absence of any other proof, the thumb alone would convince me of God's existence." -Isaac Newton- Hallelujah!
Entertainment News Muahaha! *gRINz* 'tis confirmed! mr leo ku kuei kei has been termed one of the 4 new heavenly kings in the song industry!!! hahahahah!!!! happiness! pardon me...just can't help but be happy for one who's been wrongfully cast aside for some stupid nonsensical dispute... he deserves it :)
Haha i know we kept singing this when we were kiddies...but was flipping through the chord book yesterday whilst at the piano...at it just, brought loads of meaning... (anyways, some psycho test says my mentality's less than 0 years haha! so i guess it fits *gRINz*) God of the Sunshine He's the God of the sunshine, the God of the rain. He's the God of the good times, the God of the pain. He's the God of the mountains, the God of the seas. He's the God of the music, the God of the children the God of you and me :)
The War Heya, just thought that i had to share this with you guys... You may think me bonkers, forgoing sleep at 4:35 am, with barely 3 hours to waking time or that i'm going crazy.. But if you guys wanted to know how i've been, here it is...of course, not how "a"s are (although it's been quite a factor) but really, how it really is for me now... I do apologise to friends who are waiting for a particular entry though...it'll come soon, i hope. Was about to go and sleep not long ago, succumbing to slumberland calls, and dropped off drowsily, when suddenly darkness, terror, fear and panic struck me in full force. No, not the literal kind, but the darkness that sucks you right in and refuses to release you...For that few minutes, I was in a total disarray: my thoughts, my feelings..suffocating under the plummet of thoughts that totally freaked me out. Doubts, questions volleyballing itself into my consciousness. And in those few minutes, I was thrown wide awake, struggling in what I've come to experience for the first time in my life: a spiritual war. In that struggle for my soul, overcome with fear by the onslaught he had laid in wait at my weakest moments,i felt myself crumbling slowly but surely under his attack. Feeling lost, and almost certain i would be for good, i ran to my table in tears, dug out the collection of reassuring christian songs, and started to read Andrew Phang's "Keeping Faith"...fighting in the war of peril.. Yet, i felt myself slipping, my innermost thoughts in turmoil and finding myself going away from Him...desperate, in despair..I sought Him, crawling and flailing in the abyss, sinking in the mire. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12) I would never have dreamed that he'd come head on to fight with me in almost full force at my weakest moments when my guard was totally down, amidst my weariness...and he was on the verge of succeeding as i grappled on, reading furiously and praying on my knees for Him to come into my darkest hour...resisting even as the ground pulled itself away from me...and i was indeed about to be finished... When He caught me from the bottomless pit, and raised me to the light... At that moment in time, You came, refitted my armour of faith, and sharpened my sword with Your Word and the Truth. Verse after verse came as You reassured me and came to my rescue, becoming my Pillar, "For He has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my Helper; I will not be afraid.What can man do to me?"(Hebrews 13:5,6) "Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me...And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."(Matthew 28:18-20) wiping my tears, assuaging my fears, and affirming that I was Your child, bought by the Son on the cross.. You drove away my darkest thoughts, unbirdled and wild, lured astray by the evil one and coaxed me into Your peace and light. Praise be to You! Oh Heavenly Father! Hallelujah to our King, for He is faithful and good! The "prince of this world" may lay in wait, But You forever are the Prince of my life, And I surrender it to You, May it be that You'll keep me close all my days, To worship and lift Your Name on high, As long as eternity is,by Your side! For His love endures forever! "Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4) And as I sat there, He went ahead of me into battle, casting out the storm for the light to shine through. And yet, as He fought my battle for me, He healed my hurt and fears, carrying me on His shoulders and slowly rebuilding my fortress rock by rock, becoming my full protection in dire times, knowing that I could take no more. So I will praise You all the days of my life, for "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)..and be reminded always of Your great works in my life....even as i go through this tough period..battling a stigma of doubt in going throught the same cycle of exams that brought me no small amount of pain and tears, and hurt. For in You i trust, and i know that as a father teaches his son, so do You, in perfect love,however painful...and that You are always here, to catch me if I fall, to allow me to hide in the shadow of Your wings, as I walk towards You and the contrast between the light and dark heightens ever so.. Yea, to You alone I worship, and You alone deserve all praise.. My Father, My Friend..You whom I live for, the reason I breathe, laugh and sing.. And i will weep, not from tears of sorrow, but for the joy that is of the Lord, for Your awesome power and beauty, in thanksgiving and hope. I lift my voice and life to You, and I love You. "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18
The Rain Hey everyone, I'd like to share with all of you something that happened a few weeks ago :) Do you guys love rain? Haha, especially since it's a respite from the murderous weather eh? But to me…rain has always meant more than the tranquility it brings. Hee I guess I'll have to start from the very beginning yeah? Last year, I happened to get into a cold war with a friend, not that it made any sense upon reflection, but I guess it was the senselessness of it that made me regret having such a petty affair with a friend I treasured. Yup! So being the dodo I was, I pleaded with Him to make it alright again, and if He would, to give rainfall in the terribly hot weather. So I went for class in the ts (Erm…it's a container classroom)…and 40 min later, what tuned out to be just a drizzle in the heat, turned into a storm. Heh, and as you may have guessed, the two of us are okay again. Yup! But that's not my point…some of you may know that this year's the first year I'm helping out as an assistant youth small group leader. Problem was, the three of us felt that the way we were leading His youths was just so wrong..guilt, confusion and uncertainty finally led us to try to settle it (aha! I remember!) on a Tuesday. Yup..do recall how agonised I was over it, and I know He must have been to urge us along, that I tried, for the first time, to fast and pray before the meeting that day. Heh, difficult, I tell you, skipping breakfast and lunch and all snacks the entire day wasn't a pretty thing to undergo…and to make it tougher, I had to go back to school for our chem mock exam paper. But that's how it began. Ignoring my stomach and survivng on water for the medication I was taking, I packed my bag and made my way to the MRT station. Hee as some adventurous people may know, you can actually stop at dover instead of buona vista mrt station and walk across the canal to RJC. Apparently it's longer, but ah well. Yup! So on the train I went, and yup, I decided to walk to school from Dover, in the inhuman heat. Heh I know it's quite silly, but it's the quietest route to school, and I told Him that this walk would be dedicated to be with Him. Hrm, when I stepped out of the station, my first thought was: big mistake! Just down a flight of stairs (not even quarter-way to school!) and I was hot, perspiring and grumbling. Not the kind of "quiet time" I did promise Him I would make, would it? Anyhows, I trudged along, painfully, as the world spent their time out of the heat in air conditioned bus 92s that stop right outside school and at home…when I felt a breeze. Heh, so inside I went "hallelujah!" and when I turned the corner, and I looked up, what I saw totally bowled me over. Rather, what was happening. In the midst of the clear blue sky, dark clouds were gathering slowly. Problem was, it wasn't monsoon season yet and crap! The weather WAS the kind that promised no rain! Another problem-the clouds were not gathering all over the place like they normally do: these clouds gathered like a cover over me, creating a pathway or strip of shelter directly from where I was to school. Even more freaky, around this pathway was nothing but clear skies that spoke nothing of rain, and it didn't extend behind me but before me. Immediately I felt so much cooler and the meaning became clear, humbling and stark the message was… Yup, it was the Father's way of telling me, just as I know that He wants you all to know this- "He is a jealous God. Not in the manner as we know it, but jealous in that He loves us, and wants our attention, every bit of it. No amount of discomfort or heat should keep us from reveling in what is His." With the fact that He impressed this upon me that particular instant, I was overwhelmed. Both joy, fear, awe overtook me and that from that point in my journey, so tempted was I to just start dancing around on the road, to sing my praises and to even just kneel there and then and give my heart out to Him. I forgot that rumbling stomach, and I forgot that perspiration. All I knew was Him. And that He, in His awesome greatness, Provided. Haha, I'm not too sure if the clouds did follow me, although I could have sworn they did…so lost I was in His glory that I was simply awestruck all the way to the lecture theatre. And just as I stepped into school. It poured. Showers and promises of love and blessing and reassurances. And a reminder. Hee so I went for the meeting after the paper, before which, I had asked Him to speak through either one of us, and if it was what He did want us to do for His children, that we all come in agreement, without objection. As we shared our views, and started to go into discussion, and I surrendered what I had to say, He came in, took charge and pointed out what and where we should improve. I didn't keep track of what I had to say, but rambled on as He led, and after that instance, as my youth small group leader exclaimed his agreement, He brought me into another period of awe and praise. And instantly I was brought back to the previous Sunday where we had the leader's meeting(and I was still troubled), and at the 1130 service Sandy came out to pray. For once, He brought me into prayer with her, not to listen to what she had to intercede for this generation of youths, but to pray in support and reinforce with what she had to say as she was guided as well. Different were our words as I listened and followed on, but similar in aim, so it happened again. Impressed upon me was this, and this I hope to leave with you guys… For I felt that the Lord wanted to say this, "My child, why do you worry? For I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, and I love you, my children," and that it was a reassurance that He would bless our church. Of course, not the church. But the Church, all you who are in the race, and fighting the fight that seems almost bleak and unclear in such a world as today, where our senses of right and wrong are thwarted and blurred. Where "morals" do not originate from "love" any longer but selfishness, and again, what morals. Where the real war is not as we see it, but is being fought on a larger and more perilous scale than we can imagine. Yup, but He has promised to be here, as He has by His Word, from the greatest authority-the Bible. So do not fear and take heart, and be refreshed in Him continually, never failing to seek Him. For He loves you, and awaits your earnest seeking of His grace, love and glory to fill you today. Right now.
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