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Hohoho! i'm addicted to "just a minute"!!! haha especially clememt freud crap...muahaha...goodness...for my own entertainment...here's the website for the transcripts...(although the audio version's much better) http://www.geocities.com/deanbedford/tran.html
heh bio common test today was...okay...hope i get at least a c... this morning was rather terrible...i was in a no state to interact and so tried to avoid peeps..hoping i'd be another of those things people don't take notice of...heh and i hope it stays that way... but since morning i already had this "i-want-to-use-the-loo-for-big-business!" thing...and during the paper it got worse...didn't help that i was sitting near the back of the hall, near the toilet and peeps were tempting me with their flushing sounds...and i was like "concentrate! concentrate!!!" heh... haha tried sleeping twice yesterday amid the muggings on kidney, neurons and what not..was terrible...was dreaming scenes and at the same time the background of my head was going berserk chanting things-i-do-not-know-what about bio..hee...so actually, no sleep at all...funny thing was, the dream in the afternoon was sweet, real sweet(hahaha! u can guess what i dreamed of) ...heh i woke up smiling even though the back part would have turned quite badly around if i slept on... but it's rather scary..cos i asked God that afternoon before i slept to send me a sweet dream or whatever as encouragement...dream of nice people etc..heh..and He gave me that..well...maybe twas just my neurons zapping madly...got quite freaked out on hindsight cos really haven't been dreaming much(and it makes one more sleepy...) but i guess it's stupid of me...of course He's encouragement enuff...and you guys too!!!
ah.....resting my blain from the horrors of mammalain histogram....exocrine...squamous...embyrological...mucous, serous, seromucous.... mesoderm.. creating amusing stories about a fugitive called mr pseudo stratified (his boss's mr glandular) -the wonder's of listening to just one minute :)- in a land where everything must be compound! heh..and to his horrors of being almost discovered he decides to go for a...eh..."sex change" at mr glandular's who gives him a choice between squamous, cuboidal...to be simple or compoud and so on...shan't go on any further...tis rather gross but a great measure of memorizing :) even doing sign language helps to memorise parts of ze heart.. hee thank u my dears....am bracing myself for the "big bullies" of rjc...the kinds who'll discriminate like nobody's business..mr eagle head and mr "don't kill me"-look-in-yearbook-2002(this guy;s really qian bian)...and of course their "subordinates"..haiz..but heck..7 months won't be that long...will it? ah well! back to creating more stories befitting the "yellow-ness" of ze blain!
heh...just took a break off to watch american idol...felt a pang of pity for our dear "hung"...even though it was amusing...couldn't help but felt the whole thing was overdone...couldn't see happiness within him in being in that situation..heh..kept fingers crossed and hoped the audience wasn't so mean as to laugh at him during the show...haiz... hope it does it bcos he's really enjoying it..and he benefits...otherwise it'll be another clown with a sad face...
Heh...feel like one of the gladiators in ancient rome...or a rabbit heading towards it's snare...even a stupid traveller wandering into a lion's den...it's even harder than doing my pga... Heard comments hodge told my parents...the made up stuff that were entirely not true made me realise the opposition i may be getting going back there...felt terrible for a while..but i guess i'm gonna do what i did at the superteen camp...try to fade into the background(it was a disaster)...and do what i have to do for these few months.. Sang "still" just now...somehow this song has been popping into my mind these few days..."hide me now...under Your wings..cover me..within Your mighty hand.."...true..and i realised (with the reminders from my papa mama...jie...)no matter how lonely i am..this battle isn't a lonely fight anymore...in fact, all misconceptions..and i'm going to have to win this battle...no, i will win it..cos i'm not only fighting it for them, nor myself...but for Him..and it's rather clear...with Him. Thank You for the door You opened for me. You knew it all along didn't You? That's why the illness dropped in from last year..even though i'm not sure it affected me...and it's a strangely terrifying experience to put me through to know that You are near....no, You are here..I love You..and thank You for all the support and love You have brought one way or another, are giving, will be giving for it's going to be my pillar..as You always have been..You are the secret to my happiness after all.. Hee and i love you my dears... Still-Hillsongs Hide me now Under your wings Cover me within your mighty hand When the oceans rise and thunders roar I will soar with You above the storm Father You are King over the flood I will be still and know You are God Find rest my soul In Christ alone Know his power In quietness and trust When the oceans rise and thunders roar I will soar with You above the storm Father You are King over the flood I will be still and know You are God
Heya...yeah...i did very badly...not so bad that i can't get into a uni...but not the uni of my choice...and of course, my family's choice. Therefore...with the help of my inflicted grave's disease...which sort of proved that (since july) my learning ability had been greatly reduced...i'm going back. Yes back to rjc to do the academical j2 year again. How terrifying and amusing...as far as i'm concerned...my educational life in rjc was a scale of negative infinity (zero!!) on an excitement scale of 0 to 10...and now, i'm going back to relive every moment...what with the "very nice and pleasant" vp..."wow!!!!" Apart from that, the endless questions i'll face from familiar faces : "hey! why are u wearing an rjc uniform?" "er...why are u here?" haiz...and when i tell them the reason why, they'll reply, "Why? What went wrong?" I don't know. All i know is, since i'm here...just let me strive on with no link to the past...it's more painful than all i'd imagine, or rather, admit it to be. First day of school? j2 common test 1...which means i'll have to sit through it and somehow get AAAAA after being dislocated from the A level syllabus for 4 months and an immersion into the primary school kid mindset for 2 months. Do i have to go for pe? Nice. I'll have 2 brilliant testimonials by the end of this year... pardon my entry with every word leaking and screaming "sarcasm!!" just feeling terrible and yeah, shitified...i guess when adriel told our class about the 4 steps to surrendering ourselves...i never did expect to have the last one so quickly pressed down upon me,"I surrender my reputaion for Your glory" and what with the resistance i'm feeling..."I surrender my rights for Your wisdom"...if it be...give me strength...i'll need even the slightest drop.... I'm not going to complain about why it's happening to me...even though i do sometimes..but it hurts more than i'm letting it...it hurts when my parents complain that they're losing sleep over me..and how i've brought heartache to them... bu i'll try my best...try to do what i've been doing all this time...seems the only way i can glorify Him...yup! To find joy through Him, and of course...the friends He's blessed me with.. Just a few nights ago..my sis turned around on her swivel chair, looked at me and said, "You can stop smiling now if you don't want to you know. Don't force yourself." I looked at her, smiled wanly and said, "I'm not!" got off my bed and sat myself at my chair...tried to do some work.Couldn't take it anymore..for she had struck a weak link. I slowly walked to the toilet...closed the sliding door. Sat on the "royal throne" And cried. Heh sounds like some pms woman eh? Come to think of it...has it really appeared so forced this past week? i dunno...mayhaps... Sorry to my frens whom i've not replied...tis a long story...and being the "runaway" that i am..dun wanna relive each moment of revelation..that's why i'm telling it here...sorry if i've been blocking you guys out...will try to say it out bit by bit...we'll see if i'm one great living testimony after this year.. Cynical. Hate my tone now...shall zone off for a while...just that, rather amusing how drama my life really is, especially my educational life... one thing's for sure. I'm not leaving singapore to study...No one will have the sense to leave a home where papa's 63 and mama's tired..another scary point...compared to other peeps whose parents may be in their 40s...mine must be ancient..how strange that however i might want to protect them from worry...i'm the cause of it...haiz... Drama. Somehow i wonder how life would be if it were so much more smooth sailing. If there were no conflict of expectations. If there were less downs...I guess...I guess... It'd be less exciting.... For me now...courage is overcoming my fears.. Pardon me if things appear a trifle too forced these few weeks...and if i've to "rush for the toilet'.
Hee it's been raining the whole day!! Did i mention that i love rain? hee...it's coolinjg, refreshing...and fun to play in!!! jumping in puddles, trying to catch raindrops with an outstretched palm and an outstretched hand...sniffing the fresh smells (gosh i sound like an addict...)...and just gazing at it flow...listening to it's soothing rhythm..watching it fall craelessly onto the roads/pavements...forming little "clusters"...running and walking in it...be it with or without an umbrella...all that i've left to do is to lie down in it hee... Actually...rain does hold a deeper meaning...asked Him once on a very hot and sunny day (very childish eh) amidst my troubles last year that if everything was gonna be alright...please rain...and it did!! hee and somehow when i'm feeling upset or down...it just rains...dunno if it's just a matter of the mind..but now rain does hold a deeper meaning ne? hee... okie doke!! :)
Oh dear...:) i'm okie midarlings!!! and frens...hee sorry about my last entry..just feeling upset because the people around me are...and myself as well...pardon me if i didn't reply some smses or answer some calls...needed some time alone.. plans now? either to do an undergrad course in nus before i try for a graduate course..(may even go overseas)..or resit some papers...maybe all to make the cert look good...so am prepping the resitting one first..will think about the rest later... hee yup! But i thank Him for giving me frens who really care...and a strong heart...heh...people whom i can rely on and who understand...and a Him whom i will never stop rejoicing in...it's comforting!! Love you all! :) Hee so now am taking this p4 class in bkt timah primary for the entire week :) Am going on an excursion with the class during school time tmw to kampong glam muahaha...which is situated not far off from the singapore river!! *sMILez* haiz...but hope the kids will behave themselves.. speaking of that class...had a few "problem" kids....not problem, just...haiz...it's really a small society in there..asked this guy why couldn't he try to start afresh and try to love the peeps around him for a change? heart ached when he replied "no i can't"...sighness...but he's getting better...i hope...
seemed like a few hours ago i received my results... i'm okie everyone! ;) thank you for your concern, and your efforts to cheer me up *sMILez* i love you guys too! dun worry, i'm okie...just hafta do things a bit more slowly...and plan differently...education life has never been smooth sailing...and i accept that it'll dip and rise... just that...i must be the worst daughter alive...and the worst student? heh... i realised time and time again that i never did care much about being hurt myself...after all i was a born escapist...from such feelings that i place barriers around...but what mattered, was people being upset because of me...perhaps i just couldn't accept it...the idea of which scared me, gave me so much more stress...after all, i did want them to be happy.. because i love them... argh! haiz...heh sorry for the outburst...shan't continue anymore... congratulations to all who did well!!! :) *gRINz*
Doomsday!!! Sobness...so it's finally arrived eh...the weeks of dread reduced to days of fear and now....hours of a mixture of both.... Haiz...traumatised....seemed only yesterday i had to go thru a similar situation... Am planning my escape route to the singapore river to cry if it gets too bad...
Still-Hillsongs Hide me now Under your wings Cover me within your mighty hand When the oceans rise and thunders roar I will soar with you above the storm Father you are king over the flood I will be still and know you are god Find rest my soul In Christ alone Know his power In quietness and trust
Only hope(mandy moore) There's a song that's inside of my soul It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again I'm awake in the infinite cold But you sing to me over and over and over again Chorus: So I lay my head back down And I lift my hands and pray to be only yours I pray to be only yours I know now you're my only hope Sing to me the song of the stars Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again When it feels like my dreams are so far Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again Chorus: So I lay my head back down And I lift my hands and pray to be only yours I pray to be only yours I know now you're my only hope I give you my destiny I'm giving you all of me I want your symphony Singing in all that I am At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back Chorus: So I lay my head back down And I lift my hands and pray to be only yours I pray to be only yours I pray to be only yours I know now you're my only hope
haiz went to relief teach today despite feeling quite, in terrible terms "shitty"..scolded them first thing in the afternoon for having "uncalled for behaviour"...heh i guess i scared them in light of how nice i used to be when i entered their classroom...and they really kept quiet only after i went around telling each individual "you can go for recess later"...and skipping the really noisy ones...heh...although they just won't know my threats are always empty...towards the end of school they were so noisy i had to scold them again...and went on telling them about the success formula(was it by einstein?) of the 99% perspiration and 1%genius thingy...and how they could all be in the A class...haha...feel quite bad at my outburst...a sore result of my feeling really terrible... ah well!!! back to marking the english scripts!!!! :)
woohoo!!! LOTR swept all eleven awards in the oscars man!!!! haha loved the beginning where billy crystal was just idiotic in the movie clips haha...esp the part where he played gollum...and the part where he was in sth's gotta give!!! hahaha!!!! hoho!!! and the song was brilliant!!! :) was great reliving it with the lyrics and the description and explanation of the intro online...haha...oh!!! and the part where he paired up with robbin williams!!! what a pair :) hee...and and!!! the part where the two guys sang this song upon over-running their time "you're too boring...and catherine zeta jones is snoring..." haha!!! oh!! and julia roberts was so elegant!!! hee was totally starstruck...which reminds me...watch erin brokovich...:)
Haiz...methinks i'm falling ill...like really ill...my temp so far's been 37.6...which should be okie i guess...but my head's like throbbing (it feels like it's going to explode if i get up from my bed suddenly)...and i'm coughing so much my head's dropping off...sighness...and i dun want to see a doc cos it means more blood tests which i dun want!!!argh...haiz...i guess it's just my white blood count dropping...which explains why i've been getting these things for more than 2 weeks...bleah... ahhh!!!! rurouni kenshin's really sad!!! although i guess it's cos the OVA version has zilch humour in it compared to the lengthened anime...but nice!!! Though noble as kenshin is(and cool!!!) ...it's highly idiotic for him to be placing the burden of the suffering of the world on his shoulders...haiz...told myself "i wun cry...i wun cry..." but when i watched the last OVA...heh tears just came out in buckets haiz...oh!!! but one of their tunes are nice!!! :) hee and watched "a walk to remember" too!!! tis great man!!! actually didn't really like mandy moore(and i didn't know she was the female lead!!!until Chris told me!!) but when i heard her "Only hope" ...ahhh!!!!! haha...and the show's really sweet...liked it alot :) (at least they didn't show her passing...although i did feel an ache in my heart...) one verse from the bible mentioned in the movie... "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, 13
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