About Me
Name: Blanche Lim Xiaohong!!!*gRINz*


Nicknames: Mama, Blanchee-chak....(!!-_-)oh yah, and sponge.

Must listen!!!
Leo ku(!!),Zhang xin zhe, josh groban, billy gilman, lea salonga van fan yi chen,zhang hui mei, alec su you peng, william so, zhang guo rong, gareth gates, jay chou, panda xiong tian ping, yoshiki's compositions!

oldies!!! christian music!!!! slow songs!! duets!! and maybe some fast ones too..:) and x japan's instrumental!!
anything with the piano/guitar/drums/flute/saxophone/violin/viola/cello..and this instrument i can't figure out...

radio channels!!!
class 95
yes 93.3 (all day!! haha esp the 5-8pm slot!!!)
international 96.3 (when they play instrumental contemporary music!!)
bbc's just a minute!!
haha!canto channel-99.9 fm(altho i hardly understand)
and another! 104.9 fm (only for the music and leo ku!!)

songs that keep playing in my head!!
Kenny G's "stranger on the shore" and "the wedding song"
"xia yi ge yong yuan"-zhang xin zhe
ge qian-jay chou
"zuo you wei nan"/sarang han da myun-summer scent ost (korean)

Navigation
My Pictures!!! haha...
Bible Gateway!
KWON SANG WOO!!! haha...my leo ku number 2!
lyrics!!!
just a minute transcripts!!
online christian radio-nice!!!
My new story~!!! (!!@_@)
sign language!
leo ku links!
leo ku news!
courtesy of jan midarling!!!haha harry potter jap pics...really nice! -fish garden

Friends
FOBS. FOBS. FOBians!
diya!!!!!!!!!!
celeste!!
mei mei!!!
sanjiemei!!!
jane san!!!!
jamin!!!
toe!!!
Zed Peeee!!!
2SO6E! '04
Eric - Da Jie!!!!!
jamie's!
Adriel's!!! :)
2S03J!!!'03
Edlyn's!!!
Shen Lynn...
Theon the cow's
Bird's!!!!
Gang's!!!
Qiang's!!!!
Yiling Darling's
Stella's!!!!
Milly's!!!!
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Tuesday, December 30, 2003
 
oh dear...the lyrics are too small! haiz...hee aniwaes, this are the lyrics of two songs from the hzgg3 series...hee haf to view it using chinese simplified...ah well, if you guys haf some chinese programme i suggest you copy and paste and enlarge the font if you do want to see it :) *gRINZ*

 
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Monday, December 29, 2003
 
hee bought leo ku's new comic book!!!!!!! *gRINz* couldn't bear to read it but i just did all the same...haha ! although the art of the book ain't as complicated as the ones i normally read, and the storyline's very very simple, haha and it reminds me of almost crappy comics like digimon etc etc..he's brilliant anyway!!!! haha! hee and i realised that all his good frens are of the fairer sex! a bit strange eh...peeps like gigi leung, sammi cheng, zhou hui min...haha...


aniwaes! just went to this official chiungyao website! haha guys and gals who like her shows should visit that website! hee have been visiting it since qssymm and hzgg came out! hee, it contains amusing off screen photos , storylines, character write-ups, lyrics etc etc!!!! hahaha! and i'm checking out the cheem lyrics of the main theme of hzgg3...the tune of which was composed by leo ku! *beams*...and there's this song which is named after xiao yan zi....interesting....

okie, enuff crap for one day....pardon me...

 
haiz...i've been rather "ill-fated" with handphones of late...not long ago did i change my dratted m1 subscription to a starhub one in order to accomodate with the hopeless number of sms-es that seem to count endlessly...and now, someone stole my hp! argh! ding dong ole me....haiz....so...

you guys don't sms or call me on my hp okie? contact me through e-mail or my home phone number....


Thursday, December 25, 2003
 
My All for You

God's love ever freely gives
Such love is ever forgiving
He sent His Son to die for you and me
O Lord, make me freely give
O Lord, teach me how to offer
My life for You a living sacrifice

I praise You, Lord
O,I thank You, Lord
You gave through Your Son all Your love for me.
I love You, Lord
O, I give You, Lord:
My time all I have all my life, my ALL for YOU.

 
Christmas Isn't Christmas


Christmas Isn't Christmas,
Till it happens in your heart.
Somewhere deep inside you
Is where Christmas really starts
So give your heart to Jesus
And you'll discover when you do,
That it's Christmas, really Christmas
For you.

Christmas brings warmth like a winter fire,
A light like a candle's glow.
He's waiting now to come inside
As He did so long ago,
Jesus brings gifts of truth and life
And makes them bloom and grow
So welcome Him with a song of joy
And when He comes you'll know

That Christmas Isn't Christmas,
Til it happens in your heart.
Somewhere deep inside you
Is where Christmas really starts
So give your heart to Jesus
And you'll discover when you do,
That it's Christmas, really Christmas
Christmas, really Christmas
Christmas, really Christmas
For you.

 
We Are The Reason

As little children, we would dream of Christmas morn,
And all the gifts and toys, we knew, we'd find.
But we'd never realised a baby born one blessed night...
Gave us the greatest gift, all our lives.

We were the reason that He gave His life,
We were the reason that He suffered and died.
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give,
To show us the reason to live.

As the years went by, we learnt more about gifts,
Of the giving of ourselves and what that means.
On a dark and cloudy day a man hung crying in the rain,
Because of love,
Because of love...

And we were the reason that He gave His life,
We were the reason that He suffered and died.
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give,
To show us the reason to live...

Now I've finally found the reason for living,
It's in giving every part of my heart to him,
In all that I do,
Every I say,
I'll be giving my all just for Him..
For Him....

And we were the reason that He gave His life,
We were the reason that He suffered and died.
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give,
To show us the reason to live...

He is the reason I live!


 
Hee anyways I packed my room not long ago…threw away lots of rubbish I never knew I would have….hee and packed till 8 am the next day L!!!!hee but the reason for the slowness is cos halfway I picked up the huan zhu ge ge 3 novel abby darling lent me…and read from four to 7
With eyes glazing across books2 and 3….comment? Goodness!!!! I've never cried so much through reading a book in my life!!!! Hee methinks qiong yao lives up to her "forever a tearjerker" name…as always I couldn’t stand that ziwei with erkang…goodness…after watching hzgg2 and 1 I've come to stand her a teensy bit and this new actress looks strange….and even though they might always be the "model couple"…it's terribly irritating to haf our dear authoress penning all her ideas on them!!!! Argh!!!!

However it was amazing how one could experience "xin jing dan zhan" or rather real shocking scenes with the cast…and I admire qiong yao's ability to make one so hopelessly adore a certain character and make one despise him and then again bring forth emotions of delight, and regained reassurance…

Went on a real Leo Ku craze…hee and saw how peeps were on different sides of the fence…J frankly speaking, I agree with abby darling…as I walked through the story and the plot…my idea of the Wu ah ge, or rather the image (I play the scenes in my head hee…this lady's books don't need pictures…just words that are enuff to evoke imagination well beyond what I would have expected to …) subconsciously evolved into a 1.78 m leo ku…such is the difference between the image of maturity and childlikeness….this last series makes one full of anger, full of sorrow, sympathy, heartache, gives a feeling of helplessness and brings one through a journey of bittersweet experiences…

Heh I disliked wu ah ge! And most of all (zhi hua-his concubine). I disliked the way she sought to underhanded means, the way she brought a rift upon the couple…the way she brought out the meaning of "hypocrite" to its fullest, most befitting such a word. And I disliked him for believing her…how unpredictable xiao yan zi would have been…and mayhaps I too might have believed that zhi hua…shouldn't faith and trust be present…however if qiong yao had placed wu ah ge through the same treatment as erkang…he would do the same as the latter…though with lesser confidence I might think at some points…

Actually I cried the moment Xiao Yan Zi was maligned by that lady ( that's where I started to read actually), cried more when he actually believed zhi hua and rebuked the lady he claims to have loved, giving in so easily, neglecting her even though her heart was true not her words which pushed him away, cried when qing er was the only one who would stand up for her, and cried when he realized he was in the wrong…cried when he took so long to realize…and cried when they bid farewell to the emperor…terrible the ending and a great heartache it is…but it would never have been I guess….if not for the stated fact in the historical records….

Come to think of it…I wonder who became emperor next….was it that lil' kid? Hope not!!! Haiz…but indeed…this series is no longer a book of good humour, but pains and heartaches…but also, a great displayof courage, persistence through parallels between erkang-ziwei and yongqi-xiao yan zi…and most importantly strength found through friends, loved ones…and the greatness of fatherly love, and a friendship possessing love which brings bravery in the face of danger…hee which kind of reminds me of The return of the king again!!!!If you guys haven seen it…you'll see…hee anyways I did cry for a while in the last part you know…

*gRINz*…

 
Anyways! Hee u guys might be asking me wat I've been doing since my dear Sarawak people left less than 10 days ago so I might as well write it down….but speaking of them, has anyone who read this post and knows whom I'm referring to has heard of their developments>like where they are now and how the expedition has been so far….koky and peeps do want to go to sunway lagoon with them!

Anyways! I've watched:

1)Huan Zhu Ge Ge (I) -classic, really classic
2)Huan Zhu Ge Ge (II)
3)Qing Shen Shen Yu Meng Meng (!!!!!_woohoo!!!! Wif who else!!! J)
4)BiaoMeiJi Xiang (a whole lot of zhaowei, alec su, leo ku films…)
5)My Love Patzzi (brilliant!!!!!!)
6)aha! LOTR!!!!!!
7)Xu Yuan MV-DUET with leo ku and gigi leung…dreamy voices they hath
8) meteor garden
9) winter sonata...etc etc


am in the process of watching….1)tuo qiang shi jie
2)ji xiang ru yi

have borrowed:
1)how to speak german the lazy way
2)learn Spanish
3)Arabic(which is a stupid mistake! Should have been a Hebrew one!!! Kana sai)
4)3 other stupid books that are in Chinese (well I like the quotes in biao mei ji xiang….)
5) one wei si li chuan shuo
6) 3 fantasy books (child fict of course…had to sneak into the children's section and pretend I was looking for a non-existent young sibling's "books to read" )

-all of which are crap! (except for the easy-to-read last option hee ….Stupidity puts me through torture!Argh! But come to think of it, I never knew german's ä could been the vowel with the "e" placed behind this letter…woohoo!!!


Tuesday, December 23, 2003
 
hahaha!!!!! I bought leo ku's new cd!!!!! Haha happiness..and he;s very good looking!!!! Hm though I must admit the cd's not as good as expected…and the darn thing has some cd protection of sorts, if I place it in the laptop it just a has a self programmed player instantly downloaded that 1)lags, 2)gives wrong info and 3)quite a poor system of playback…so haf to just listen to it using whatever cd players… J

hahaha!!!!! watched 'The Return of the King' Wednesday night!!!! I won't be a spoiler so u can read on!!!!! Hee the tix were free and the entire west mall Cineplex was "da-bao-ed" by the health organization thingy for healthcare groups…all 6 cinemas!!!!! And we had freebies or whatever which is actually quite sad but anyhow…brilliant!!! Hee anyway had a terrible time before the thing started…stuffed one entire ticket my sis gave me before meeting her cg (clinical group) and thought I lost it!!!!argh…so had my bro get it for us and he had to run all the way back!!!!! Paiseh heez….

Heh this last installment wasn't as good as I hoped it would be…but then again it must be the atmosphere…my brother and I were sitting amongst a cinema of sadists…and Chris just kept laughing everytime he saw Gandalf with a guy…hope u guys know the catch…heh…but gandalf's really magnificent!

Hee but Legolas was as cool as ever!!!!! Heh if you watch out methinks there're at least 2 scenes where it's indeed worth it to gape and drool for those who think he's eye candy…and him and Gimli are just so made to be partners! Hee..anyway I loved the-now-Gollum!!!! He's got a new song!!! J


Ohohoh!!!!! My real candy's……SHADOWFAX!!!!!*wINKz* Can't take it anymore…kept gushing whenever I saw him in the scenes….they chose a good horse for the show man! Hee he's magnificent, grand, and so beautiful!!! Argh! Heh told my sis that I'll marry the guy who gives me a real, grand horse in mirth and good humour..am soooo jealous of the senior rafflesian who owns a horse!

Hee…but I wonder if u guys watched the parody on LOTR (1) last night…heh quite funny but doesn't beat the sarah mcgellar one(is it her name? Hmm the buffy the vampire slayer girl) ….haha but it's funny to see last nite's parody poke fun at the gimmicks of the actors and their props in LOTR 1…hee…amusement….hahaahahaha….


Thursday, December 18, 2003
 
hahaha!!!! leo ku has a korean fan club!!!!

http://leoku.lil.to/ -mvs galore!!!!! that's it. i'm learning korean!!!! *gRINz*

hahaha!!!! "Leo is in top 5 - most loved Male singer... and his song Bit sat Kei is on 2nd spot now of their top 10 songs in hongkong's 903 awards" !!!! happiness!!!!

sighness...me want to go to hongkong now....diya darling, if u read this : remember the entertainment show you had on the video cam...where leo ku and zhao wei already met a long long time ago haha and they had to sing this certain duet and keep their eyes wide open? argh! he's singing it at karen mok's concert in beijing(with her of course) on the day after christmas!!!! no!!!!!

ahhahahahaha!!!! just visited a website -a christmas celebration actually with chorale singers singing their carold while being stuck in a tree...and the dubious honour of being nearest to the tip of the christmas tree is none other than leo ku! muahaha...pardon my rotten english...i've been rather influenced by the hong kong-ese level of english...

http://forums.cinple.net/leoku/index.cgi?read=27138

goodness..the comments are so lame....


Wednesday, December 10, 2003
 
Hee…I just finished watching huan zhu ge ge (the first series)…ahhh!!!!! Hee it’s really touching…cried a bit (though there’s hardly anything to cry about one must say)…haha… am impressed with the friendship and love that surpasses the importance of life itself..hee…makes one really envious of them!!! GRINz if it were true then I’d rather go back to olden China days!!!! Haha even though my Chinese is really pok…worse than xiao yan zi..i didn’t even know some of the words she said…(!!-_-) but they have horses!!! Woohoo!!! Heh but on the other hand I’d rather not…the old fashioned peeps won’t even allow me to go near a mountain…not to mention climb one…blech…but how wonderful it’d be if friendship now really is like the one in this serial…hee and in that way I appreciate ODAC…once in the outdoors, or rather in the wilderness..everyone’s there to help each other..to protect one another from harmful situations…and in our experiences we grow stronger together… J No one harbours any ill feelings…all back-stabbing that may occur in normal school days vanish…and that’s where one can really feel the support and unity…and in that I thank my dear frens…




Hey hey hey!!!! *gRINz* i'm back again after an exhausting 2 days!!! (^-^)

hee prom?....was rather flustered cos i was in the process of making some gifts (which i stayed up the whole nite before)...And half an hour before i was supposed to leave i still hadn't touched anything associated wif the stupid prom...heh so i bathed and walked into RELC with my shirt, shorts, sandals, barang barang and a stupid towel around my neck...methinks the peeps at the hotel reception(which barely existed) thought me mad...

hah! so i went into the 14th floor, room 1407 to find sexy dudes camel and kennef and hot babes janice, yay and...yay...hahaha all dressed and ready to go!and our room had a balcony!!!! if only it was facing the sea:) and seeing many really all made up it got really nerve wrecking....hahaha even though i can't be that bothered...yup! so i went to room 1413...darling celeste's room where the hot girl dressed me up sparingly...which was wonderful!!! *gRINz*

heh so i went back to the odac room where queen anhui-lala(and the scary empress dowager) and selina (and her sis) arrived!...so they went out into the balcony and started taking their glam shots (by the pro) whilst i went to change into my freaky dress...hee when i came out i saw beautiful mei mei and our hot mambo queen koky! Hahaha…anyways we then quickly left for Shangri-la cos our Sha-Ab (shawn and abby) were getting impatient so there we went! But not without poor me having to painfully walk in those terrible shoes in our arduous journey to the hotel…goodness gracious, it was worse than going for the night hike!!!!

Hee anyways we arrived soon enuff to find my dear june joo wif a special someone “a-hem” J…argh…I did try to be demure yeahs!!!??? And “shark” law law wif his darling jean…hee and so we waited for quite a while in the lobby taking photos (already!!!) as we were still quite early and we saw papa low too..hee and abby’s help in looking for a certain person…!!!! Haha but finally we went in after “tattooing our hands”!

Hee the ballroom was really nice…they had a live band playing (and singing) jazz music and the chandeliers were grand!!! Hee couldn’t take it anymore so I defied darling celeste’s (and many others) order and put on my glasses…hee…


Haiz but prom’s really a waste of money…most of us were walking around taking photos and the waiters and waitresses kept clearing our food haiz…hee but at least I managed to eat 2 broccoli and 3 mushrooms!!! Hahaha…*gRINZ*

Well the time passed very quickly and soon we were nearing the end of prom..so I asked wonderful mei mei go with me to accomplish a secret mission haha…which I did!!! Hahaha but I only managed to cos my friend gave me chance to muster up my courage…thank you midarling! =) heh the only irritating thing was my camera ran out of batt at the last minute tho…haiz…and now everyone at the table knows who the person is…yikes!!!!

Hee I guess the only events that I did pay attention to was the dance queen and king’s item cum the tribute to justina…and the prom king and queen event! J haiz but all in all (though it was a waste of monaey)…was a great time to start being wif frens again…woohoo!!!


Heeheehee but when prom ended us odac peeps didn’t go back to our room…not even to change! (bad choice, really)…so we walked to orchard which was surprisingly near…and passed by many scary people…hee the girls were so much more calmer than the guys! Hee…

Halfway koky suggested sth really crazy but cool!!!! Haha we crossed the main road halfway once the lights turned red (we had 40 seconds) and took a photo (we did it twice) in front of the dashing cars and another in front of the waiting cars hahaha..cool! but many peeps thought we were mad…haha and it was outside tangs that we did it…cum sing a loud song to birthday boy law!!!! Haha then we trudged all the wayto cimeleisure which only demanded credit cards yikes…and we decided to go back…but not without buying orange juice, water, and some wine thing for cheers and meeting a grest taxi driver who offered to take us all 11 in his taxi-van for just 20 bucks all the way back to relc!!! Brilliant and great guy! Hahaha our suh yueh called him “handsome” too!!! Hee so we went back and played til 3….before we slept (but not camel and miss sakura) and then th next day back home we went! J

The end!


hee have many more things to say but i'll continue another day!!! ;)










Sunday, December 07, 2003
 
Hahaha!!!! i made my first conversation today...wif a korean!!!!!! *gRINz* hahaha but not really in korean though...hee was in one of the basement rooms in church playing the piano when he suddenly talked to me hee...actually i've forgotten his name (well korean names are hard to remember...and he couldn't pronounce any of my names!!!!)...but he's a sunday school teacher in the 5-10 years class here (well they have korean services in the evenings) who has been in singapore for 4 months only and he complimented my playing!!!! hahaha...he was really shocked when i greeted me "anyeong-saeyo" and got really confused wif my nationality...haha! hee my head was getting really airy when i walked past a room and someone was playing a piano (brilliantly!!!!)...and the pianist was.....HIM!!!! Argh....

Hee..and methinks james lye's from wesley too!!!! though i'm not too sure heh....might be someone who looked like him heh...

hahaha! here's my account of the day!!!!


Thursday, December 04, 2003
 
Sigh..these days I’ve been going crazy….and it’s this month that I’ve really started taking the Bible seriously…even more so the hymns that used to seem just a song began to take root within the recesses of my heart. Yet, what I’ve decided to be, a good Christian, really seems hard…could it be “it”? then so, I might have experienced its prowess…cunning fool, and yet freaky…it appears that whenever I try to…it just turns out wrong…and then I feel miserable…more guilty and then I start scolding myself…terribly so….for example I exploded today at Chris…heh but the funny thing is, in the end I always become the bullied…and it makes me feel helpless…as if I know and I want to do something bad when I get so mad but I can’t…and then it goes down worse….but thank God….not for my loss of temper which is partly my fault…but His calm hand that protects me from that limit…the worst I can do is to clam up, not speak…or be sarcastic…then I forget about what happened….

Have you guys ever been bullied before? Not the boxing or physical punishment…but that which goes on in a mental zone…it sucks…heh but strangely in almost every instituition that I’ve gone to…something ruins my happy memory…in primary school…then in secondary school…and in junior college…and it makes me wonder why…the worst, I guess, was when I was in secondary school…and even now I don’t think I’ll ever comprehend why...how strange it seemed that my “best friends” just vanished…and how communication ceases…the worst is to be maligned and find betrayal and even pain where there shouldn’t from one I would have protected and loved….

I guess it must be me…some strange reason…or it’s my own imagination…Dawn jie scolded me today that I really didn’t have initiative…how would anyone know what I wanted unless I opened my mouth or voiced out….then I realized perhaps that was my problem…and it’s my fault…terribly so….

Just a few weeks ago I was pissed with a certain someone…I guess I read too much into things…and maybe I expected her to understand after I’ve tried my best in the last half year to listen and understand her problems as well…and whenever I tried to talk about myself..she broke off into another rhetoric that centered herself…somehow as one feels closer to someone…one expects more cos they’ve put in so much…and as they do so, it’s also a process of breaking down walls and making yourself vulnerable…so when one is hurt, it just seems…worse. The thing was I just said a sentence that didn’t mean anything and she rattled off taking it on a negative side which just unnerved me…and now I feel like I’m in the wrong…yeah, maybe I am…the “short-fused” and wilful girl I am to my parents…it’s an error that always kills me I guess…though I’ve tried to never show my weakness to them…even when I cry…they’re true…

Friends. How strange a word that has its meaning changed throughout the centuries…to the old (well at least in the olden china of swordsman and stuff…and even in the instance of the Lord…) friendship was doing anything for a friend…protecting and even being able to lay down one’s life for the other…and just wanting him or her to be happy..haha a bit like the peeps in hzgg….but for now…friendship seems to hold so thin a meaning…a superficial term that appears to hardly withstand thin ice..it’s a relationship wrought with jealousy and obsession, pride selfishness and intolerance…and taking advantage of a person….not even respect for an individual…can this ever rightly deserve the name “friendship”? One who is not quick to criticize and slow to anger…forgiving and true to heart…it’s rare these days…”selfless” becomes taboo, “victory” over others seems to matter…

It warms my heart to be able to see friends so dear and close to one another and hurts it to see broken ones…perhaps if one were more forgiving and brave in the name of “love” to approach a lost friend once so dear..wouldn’t it help to be the blessed one to melt down all barriers..for he who loses a friend and does nothing, loses a good friend, and a pillar of support for good…maybe the rift is still there…somehow if love is love…wouldn’t it overcome all odds then?

Hee I just had to vomit it out…and those in relationship problems I hope you all read the last part…and I will try my best too to be a good friend to my friends…let’s work together yeah?…*gRINz*…here’s a verse from the Bible that sums up all I’ve said….


“Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease.
Where there is knowledge, it will pass away….

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these, is love.”

-1 Corinthians 13:4-13

How beautiful a verse…and so perfect it is that only One fulfils so impossible a criteria. But where we have only this…He did what no human being would have ever done…the greatest sacrifice…but a victory and a promise of hope to us all..

I will keep this in my heart and I hope you guys will too….for this is just a basic level of what is defined as humanity. Is it not? It may be hard for how can we be flawless? But it helps to try…

and i thank God for my friends today...for it is in them that i find gifts from heaven...

 
Sigh..these days I’ve been going crazy….and it’s this month that I’ve really started taking the Bible seriously…even more so the hymns that used to seem just a song began to take root within the recesses of my heart. Yet, what I’ve decided to be, a good Christian, really seems hard…could it be “it”? then so, I might have experienced its prowess…cunning fool, and yet freaky…it appears that whenever I try to…it just turns out wrong…and then I feel miserable…more guilty and then I start scolding myself…terribly so….for example I exploded today at Chris…heh but the funny thing is, in the end I always become the bullied…and it makes me feel helpless…as if I know and I want to do something bad when I get so mad but I can’t…and then it goes down worse….but thank God….not for my loss of temper which is partly my fault…but His calm hand that protects me from that limit…the worst I can do is to clam up, not speak…or be sarcastic…then I forget about what happened….

Have you guys ever been bullied before? Not the boxing or physical punishment…but that which goes on in a mental zone…it sucks…heh but strangely in almost every instituition that I’ve gone to…something ruins my happy memory…in primary school…then in secondary school…and in junior college…and it makes me wonder why…the worst, I guess, was when I was in secondary school…and even now I don’t think I’ll ever comprehend why...how strange it seemed that my “best friends” just vanished…and how communication ceases…the worst is to be maligned and find betrayal and even pain where there shouldn’t from one I would have protected and loved….

I guess it must be me…some strange reason…or it’s my own imagination…Dawn jie scolded me today that I really didn’t have initiative…how would anyone know what I wanted unless I opened my mouth or voiced out….then I realized perhaps that was my problem…and it’s my fault…terribly so….

Just a few weeks ago I was pissed with a certain someone…I guess I read too much into things…and maybe I expected her to understand after I’ve tried my best in the last half year to listen and understand her problems as well…and whenever I tried to talk about myself..she broke off into another rhetoric that centered herself…somehow as one feels closer to someone…one expects more cos they’ve put in so much…and as they do so, it’s also a process of breaking down walls and making yourself vulnerable…so when one is hurt, it just seems…worse. The thing was I just said a sentence that didn’t mean anything and she rattled off taking it on a negative side which just unnerved me…and now I feel like I’m in the wrong…yeah, maybe I am…the “short-fused” and wilful girl I am to my parents…it’s an error that always kills me I guess…though I’ve tried to never show my weakness to them…even when I cry…they’re true…

Friends. How strange a word that has its meaning changed throughout the centuries…to the old (well at least in the olden china of swordsman and stuff…and even in the instance of the Lord…) friendship was doing anything for a friend…protecting and even being able to lay down one’s life for the other…and just wanting him or her to be happy..haha a bit like the peeps in hzgg….but for now…friendship seems to hold so thin a meaning…a superficial term that appears to hardly withstand thin ice..it’s a relationship wrought with jealousy and obsession, pride selfishness and intolerance…and taking advantage of a person….not even respect for an individual…can this ever rightly deserve the name “friendship”? One who is not quick to criticize and slow to anger…forgiving and true to heart…it’s rare these days…”selfless” becomes taboo, “victory” over others seems to matter…

It warms my heart to be able to see friends so dear and close to one another and hurts it to see broken ones…perhaps if one were more forgiving and brave in the name of “love” to approach a lost friend once so dear..wouldn’t it help to be the blessed one to melt down all barriers..for he who loses a friend and does nothing, loses a good friend, and a pillar of support for good…maybe the rift is still there…somehow if love is love…wouldn’t it overcome all odds then?

Hee I just had to vomit it out…and those in relationship problems I hope you all read the last part…and I will try my best too to be a good friend to my friends…let’s work together yeah?…*gRINz*…here’s a verse from the Bible that sums up all I’ve said….


“Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease.
Where there is knowledge, it will pass away….

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these, is love.”

-1 Corinthians 13:4-13

How beautiful a verse…and so perfect it is that only One fulfils so impossible a criteria. But where we have only this…He did what no human being would have ever done…the greatest sacrifice…but a victory and a promise of hope to us all..

I will keep this in my heart and I hope you guys will too….for this is just a basic level of what is defined as humanity. Is it not? It may be hard for how can we be flawless? But it helps to try…














Sigh..these days I’ve been going crazy….and it’s this month that I’ve really started taking the Bible seriously…even more so the hymns that used to seem just a song began to take root within the recesses of my heart. Yet, what I’ve decided to be, a good Christian, really seems hard…could it be “it”? then so, I might have experienced its prowess…cunning fool, and yet freaky…it appears that whenever I try to…it just turns out wrong…and then I feel miserable…more guilty and then I start scolding myself…terribly so….for example I exploded today at Chris…heh but the funny thing is, in the end I always become the bullied…and it makes me feel helpless…as if I know and I want to do something bad when I get so mad but I can’t…and then it goes down worse….but thank God….not for my loss of temper which is partly my fault…but His calm hand that protects me from that limit…the worst I can do is to clam up, not speak…or be sarcastic…then I forget about what happened….

Have you guys ever been bullied before? Not the boxing or physical punishment…but that which goes on in a mental zone…it sucks…heh but strangely in almost every instituition that I’ve gone to…something ruins my happy memory…in primary school…then in secondary school…and in junior college…and it makes me wonder why…the worst, I guess, was when I was in secondary school…and even now I don’t think I’ll ever comprehend why...how strange it seemed that my “best friends” just vanished…and how communication ceases…the worst is to be maligned and find betrayal and even pain where there shouldn’t from one I would have protected and loved….

I guess it must be me…some strange reason…or it’s my own imagination…Dawn jie scolded me today that I really didn’t have initiative…how would anyone know what I wanted unless I opened my mouth or voiced out….then I realized perhaps that was my problem…and it’s my fault…terribly so….

Just a few weeks ago I was pissed with a certain someone…I guess I read too much into things…and maybe I expected her to understand after I’ve tried my best in the last half year to listen and understand her problems as well…and whenever I tried to talk about myself..she broke off into another rhetoric that centered herself…somehow as one feels closer to someone…one expects more cos they’ve put in so much…and as they do so, it’s also a process of breaking down walls and making yourself vulnerable…so when one is hurt, it just seems…worse. The thing was I just said a sentence that didn’t mean anything and she rattled off taking it on a negative side which just unnerved me…and now I feel like I’m in the wrong…yeah, maybe I am…the “short-fused” and wilful girl I am to my parents…it’s an error that always kills me I guess…though I’ve tried to never show my weakness to them…even when I cry…they’re true…

Friends. How strange a word that has its meaning changed throughout the centuries…to the old (well at least in the olden china of swordsman and stuff…and even in the instance of the Lord…) friendship was doing anything for a friend…protecting and even being able to lay down one’s life for the other…and just wanting him or her to be happy..haha a bit like the peeps in hzgg….but for now…friendship seems to hold so thin a meaning…a superficial term that appears to hardly withstand thin ice..it’s a relationship wrought with jealousy and obsession, pride selfishness and intolerance…and taking advantage of a person….not even respect for an individual…can this ever rightly deserve the name “friendship”? One who is not quick to criticize and slow to anger…forgiving and true to heart…it’s rare these days…”selfless” becomes taboo, “victory” over others seems to matter…
It warms my heart to be able to see friends so dear and close to one another and hurts it to see broken ones…perhaps if one were more forgiving and brave in the name of “love” to approach a lost friend once so dear..wouldn’t it help to be the blessed one to melt down all barriers..for he who loses a friend and does nothing, loses a good friend, and a pillar of support for good…maybe the rift is still there…somehow if love is love…wouldn’t it overcome all odds then?

Hee I just had to vomit it out…and those in relationship problems I hope you all read the last part…and I will try my best too to be a good friend to my friends…let’s work together yeah?…*gRINz*…here’s a verse from the Bible that sums up all I’ve said….

“Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease.
Where there is knowledge, it will pass away….

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these, is love.”

-1 Corinthians 13:4-13

How beautiful a verse…and so perfect it is that only One fulfils so impossible a criteria. But where we have only this…He did what no human being would have ever done…the greatest sacrifice…but a victory and a promise of hope to us all..

I will keep this in my heart and I hope you guys will too….for this is just a basic level of what is defined as humanity. Is it not? It may be hard for how can we be flawless? But it helps to try…

But i thank God for my friends who surround me...that in them i do see gifts from heaven :)






Wednesday, December 03, 2003
 
can't wait for darling jan to finish my love patzzi!!!! hahaha!!! was watching the second last episode again....terribly irritating how both guys are just too gentlemanly that they'd give in to each other...haiz but it's sweet how much they trust her and would do anything to protect her eh?hee...but both guys do have an uncanny resemblance to bae yong jun and song seung hun lah....can't stop thinking of it now!!! hahaha....

goodsh!!! haha i bought a dress for prom at a very low price today!!!! thankew darling abby and mei mei for being my fashion advocate...wahaha...and i shan't go near a dress or a shopping centre after this...the angle my back made wif the vertical increased by the second...haiz....

hee and "never been kissed" is wunderful!!! hahaha...go watch it if u haven't guys!!!


sighnesss...crappy ole me...oh!! and to remind myself:buy camomile blend!!!...