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*sMILe* today's service..plus yesterday's talk with jie was a timely reminder.. A time of re-realisation (if such a word exists heh) for everything that was, is and will be :) Haha somehow whenever i hold coversations with jie..we never fail to melt into a topic that talks of our future.. She and i were marvelling at the exquisite skills of artists (according to the pics of paintings at the louvre in Paris which she took on her last trip muahaha)..and then lodged into a full length topic on how a painting shop should be set up..(to her, branches, actually, with that business acumen of hers in full drive) ... And then into jazz piano playing.. And then about signing me up for some guitar course seeing me struggle over the strumming (to chris's indignation- "just self learn!" *gRINz* agreed..sponsor my flute lessons? hahahahha) And then i somehow started sharing about vcf and campus crusade dg..and how my old humble abode at HJ was less than "clean"..the hotel rooms we went to (the 3 of us hearing incessant nintendo games being played as though it was done next to us the entire night..).. And then we talked about angels. And about the Holy Spirit. And of God. (with the end times of course) D: Somehow i feel assured..as in, protected..as in, we are..but..angels? Don't they have to be fighting beside us all the time? How about little children? B: Yup they do..and why not? Wars are happening even as we speak..it's like Daniel D:it's scary when we think of it(especially war) in the spiritual realm B: and how life is more than 3 dimensional? but it's exciting ne! *bEAMs* as in..the idea of something more than what we can see..and normal peeps like us running on a power that isn't of this world.. D: yup, and the idea of angels..makes me feel very assured and protected.. I understand what she feels...the idea of having a personal guardian to fight for and to protect us..somehow sets me at ease, not to mention that we already have the Holy Spirit within us..and also sets my heart aflame at the thought of how much He cherishes us...for it is when we love, that we seek to protect our loved ones.. D: makes me wonder why i'm struggling so hard to become rich (starts thinking of the dreams of art shops..thoughts bearing hard on the sudden silence) B: you know..*smiles wryly*..that was my point to you. So i went to bed, reminding myself to check up whether all these were sound..and went for 9:30 pnp today..but still feeling enraptured by the evenign's discussion(somehow these sibling bonding sessions tend to drain us of loads of energy ne! :)) Went in from the back..and whoosh! Was greeted by the sight of someone i hold high regard for (simply being adept in sign language..goodness..his hands really speak more expressively than words could..and being active in mhi even as he is in medicine)..had a worship session that ended in this short but profound memory verse: "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your Presence? " Psalm 139:7 i must declare..i sat there bound by its impact... and then with Rev lilian ang's sermon..and a song we sang..my dad's words came back to haunt me..driving out that numbness i was beginning to feel after the drone of school life..or rather, the routine of it... "Blanche, you can run now..but you cannot run forever..cause God will bring you back on the path if He has called you." This sentence almost jolted tears out of my eyes as i sat, inner self defeated but putting on a brave front anyhows next to pa.. Cause that was what i was doing. And you must understand that this was a very rare time..cause this may as well be his rare few moments of wise words said in gentleness and almost with the power of father and Father that impact me real hard. (hee yesh pa?) And now it came back. "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your Presence? " Psalm 139:7 And as i sat in wesley hall, even during the discourse on Jonah, i understood. No matter how lost i may feel now..how numb i may be..or how stubborn i am.. You have never let me go, and You will never let me go Cause You love me too much to do that. Even a wilful daughter who has seemed to cause You much reason for wrath. And then, feeling so unworthy as i was then...i rememebered Your grace and mercy (oh gosh, the eyes were starting to prick and nose feel runny)... And it covers me..the grace that flows from the Love that was nailed to a tree... Plus the happenings of these few years rushing back.. Jolted me back into the realisation of my purpose in what You have called me to be. I the Lord of sea and sky, I have heard my people cry All who dwell in dark and sin, My hand will save. I who made the stars of night I will make their darkness bright Who will bear my light to them, Whom shall I send? Here I am, Lord, Is it I Lord? I have heard You calling in the night I will go, Lord, If You lead me I will hold Your people in my heart. I, the Lord of snow and rain I have borne my people's pain I have wept for love of them They turn away I will break their hearts of stone Give them hearts of love alone I will speak My Word to them, Whom Shall I send? Here I am, Lord, Is it I Lord? I have heard You calling in the night I will go, Lord, If You lead me I will hold Your people in my heart. I, the Lord of wind and flame I will tend the poor and lame I will set a feast for them, My hand will save Finest bread I will provide Till their hearts be satisfied I will give My Life to them, Whom shall I send? Here I am, Lord, Is it I Lord? I have heard You calling in the night I will go, Lord, If You lead me I will hold Your people in my heart.
Oh man!! Sobness...did the colorgenics test at www.colorgenics.com.. What can i say? Did the test like 5 times..with different choices per time (or as i deemed fit...) *stunned* *wEEPS* am supa freaked out ne!!! )...every weakness in each result was like sth kept hidden poured out into the light with its truth.. Eeks. "You are constantly seeking stimulation and a life full of experience. You are trying to 'grow' and above all you need to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt. You are an enthusiastic individual, full of life with the desire to live intensely. You like contact with others and are enthusiastic by nature. You are receptive to anything new, modern or intriguing. Your interests are many and you are likely to expand your fields of activities. You are optimistic about the future and you deserve every success because deep down you are a 'winner'. You are very talented, imaginative and sensitive but you are holding back as you do not really like going it 'on your own'. In preference you would like to team up with someone, someone with similar attributes as your own, to explore - to seek out and go perhaps 'where no other man has gone before'. It is the unusual that attracts you and which will give you a sense of excitement and adventure. Everyone, sooner or later gets that feeling that one has been cut off from reality, cut off from everything that's going on around them. It usually happens when there is a complete lack of understanding and co-operation - be it from friends, family or loved ones. So what can one do about it? Instead of pondering as to what the future may hold, do something different. Make a cup of coffee. Have a shower. Read a book. Watch your favourite soap opera. Because as soon as you become involved in something different, the original disassociated feelings will dissipate. You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you. You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material." And i shall wisely censor some of the rest(which makes it like 99%) that are too painful to be revealed...Cause they are...shall i say, too revealing? :) Hee perhaps keeping up a strong facade may be the best :) Dang, i got that coffee one twice...(which i happen to be savouring now, with a nice storybook from west mall's library, coincidentally) And yesh..proceeding alone is the most dangerous course...but then, i never intended to do what i shall be doing alone, who said we would? :) Especially when You're gonna direct the course ne! Haha oh yesh..mayhaps the rebelling against authority was a bit too strong. Cause i don't rebel, especially if the authority is respected authority. or that which You've placed over me.
Did i tell you how much i love Christmas? *gRInz* hah yesh..you may think this girl's gone really cuckoo, what with everyone being only in the month of september and she's already dreaming of Christmas Candlelight services..carolling..and everything~!!! Haha..can't help it ne..was trying to figure out what songs to sing for mcf worship(which will be on monday!!!) ..when I saw this cd sarah bought for me as a bdae present in sec 2..because of this song i said i loved (and still do...)...hee and started listening to it We are the reason As little children, we would dream of Christmas morn And all the gifts and toys, we knew we'd find But we'd never realised a baby born one blessed night Gave us the greatest gift of our lives We were the reason that He gave His life We were the reason that He suffered and died To a world that was lost He gave all He could give To show us the reason to live As the years went by we learnt more about gifts The giving of ourselves and what that means On a dark and cloudy day a man hung crying in the rain Because of love, because of love We were the reason that He gave His life We were the reason that He suffered and died To a world that was lost He gave all He could give To show us the reason to live I've finally found the reason for living It's in giving every part of my heart to Him In all that i do, every word that i say I'll be giving my all just for Him For Him This reminded me of a sentence my friend said.."I find no difficulty in believing the presence of God, but I don't see any sense in worshipping Him." This song..basically sung out the reason...at least all that i felt. And reminded me of grace. His grace. Why should He, with all the power to smite us with His consuming fire, or just a simple command.. He who is Holy, He who created you and me, He who rules over everything and has gazillions of heavenly hosts bowing down in reverance at His feet With the wind carrying its song of worship, Branches swaying in praise of the One who is.. Even care for peeps lost to sin..lost to greed, lost to selfishness...lost to the darkness.. To the point of coming down in flesh... To reconcile us , the darkness.. Via all the suffering and pain and humiliation Via the torment of knowing who He was and yet chose not to be the braggers we are prone to..choosing to simply And be simply Love. I can think of so many times when i nearly snapped off the line.. When I felt that life seemed to promise nothing but pain..A life that brought only tears and huddling in a lonely corner.. But then You stepped in, and carried me on Your wings. You showed me Your promise, and provided me with a way out.. You became my pillar when all was lost, And You lifted me onto Your shoulders On Giant's shoulders. You warmly embraced me even when I rebelled And forgave so unworthy a child when I was wilful You gently chided me for what was wrong And waited patiently for me to run back to You.. Perhaps the reason may then be summarised simply in this line.. "Love so divine, so holy... Demands my soul, my life my all." :)
Hahaha! was blog surfin...saw fish's blog...and then i just had to take it ne!! (yea!! ice cream is how wonderful a creation!!! hahaha! *bEAMs*) *gRINz* rarr it actually took a ben and jerry's personality test to make me start typing again. Yech. But ben and jerry's are....yum yum!
What does chunky mean ne? Haha..*gRINz* literally? eeks then they're wrong ne.. Oh yesh..and did i mention chocolates are nice..hahahah
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